This article is part of our Healthy and Healthy series on building a healthy relationship with food. Again, since so much of this relationship is tied to the life circumstances we assume, it is appropriate to navigate through uncertain times.
Our history
On a Sunday evening we received an email saying urgent. It was urgent because it was a baby. A little girl who was born and is waiting in the hospital. An adoptive family was needed to care for him for a week while a paternity test was conducted to determine his final home. Depending on the results, she could be our daughter forever. Were we prepared for this?
With tears we agreed Absolutely. After months of waiting, it was the closest thing to adoption. Since we started the process, we had been matched with two birth mothers. Adoptions failed twice immediately after the birth of the baby. Both were stunning, but at the same time our hearts were filled for these moms who can’t be blamed for raising their adorable babies. So this time it was the third time. The third time is a spell, To the right?
After a glorious week with Baby Girl (the name on her birth certificate) we found out it wasn’t to be. It hit like a punch in the pit of the stomach. We hid behind sunglasses to protect our puffy red eyes as we took her back to the adoption agency. Although our daily routine was thrown into disarray, life somehow went on as usual. Today we plunge again into the uncertainty of waiting.
Would you like to hear us talk about our adoption journey? Click here to listen or download the A Couple Cooks podcast on iTunes or your favorite podcast app and find the episode titled ‘Our Story’.
Boundary What?
Are you in a time of uncertainty? One season of your life is coming to an end, but the other has not yet begun? If it’s not about expecting a child, it could be your work situation, the breakup of a relationship, or an undiagnosed illness. If you’re feeling stuck in a time of uncertainty, you’re not alone. It’s normal this time, and you know what? It even has a name: border space.
What is the border space? According to Google, liminality is the Intermediate moments, the space between an initiating event in a story and a resolution. It is often a time of uneasiness, waiting and transformation.
Right here we are. And yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also a time of transformation. If you’re there too, you know how hard it is to survive everyday life. Here are some survival tips that we used to get through a season of style uncertainty.
survival tips
- name it. Sometimes, in a time of uncertainty, it is most comforting to name. You are in the border area! And that’s perfectly normal. (After listening to this podcast about the seasons and the frontier, I breathed a sigh of relief. I learned a new word, and it was very apt to describe my current stage in life.)
- encircle. Community is so important and it feels like we’re surfing through a sea of friends and family on this journey. The texts, calls and coffee appointments were truly invigorating. Look for your trusted friends; While it can be difficult to take initiative when you are in pain, it can save lives.
- Find a good footing. Finding a “good” distraction was a key survival tactic for us at this stage of life. For us, we have invested in healthy cooking and content for this blog and our podcast. For you, this could be cooking new recipes, reading a good novel, writing music or poetry, knitting, programming an app, running a race, or thinking about a business. Things to Avoid: Cups of ice, excessive use of alcohol or drugs. I’m just saying.
- blinkers: I like to say I put on a pair of figurative blinders. Rather than comparing my situation to other people’s, which seems to be going smoothly, I remind myself that Alex and my journey are unique. Things will happen at their own pace, and faster is not better. This way I can really get excited about other people and their paths. A mentality of abundance, not lackhelps remind us that this is not a competition!
- have faith. Our faith is the first thing that drives us day after day. Alex and I believe God has a plan for our family, even if it takes longer than expected. Wherever you are on your faith journey, it is important to take the time to pause, reflect on what you believe, and examine what you are learning on the edge.
Are you on the edge? We’d love to hear your story, either in the comments below or by emailing acouplecooks at gmail.com. Whatever lies ahead, stay focused: we can do this together.
Update: Months later we had a baby! His name is Larson and his story is bloody amazing.
